It hurts, but i know i gave my best, so my heart is at ease. I still miss Alex, of course, the wound is still fresh. If i could turn back the time, and make sure i took care of myself first, probably i won’t breakdown, probably Alex won’t be uncomfortable. Probably this probably that, what ifs, maybe….. No one knows. But its ok, i still have hope, and i still have faith.

Im very blessed to have a bunch of my friends around, they were there for me, no matter what happened. A single text and they reach out to me. Jacqueline and Leroy came to visit me at work last night and i felt so appreciative. Jacqueline basically went thru what im going thru moment in the last year, and cut herself away from everyone, she looks so fresh and confident now and i know i’ll be ok very soon too.

I finally got a call from the mental hospital, in regards to having my psychologist appointment and it’s all the way in January, i told they lady, i probably would have killed myself waiting for help. Fuck the system in Singapore, fuck all. I don’t like living here but i know i have to sort myself out, before i have the strength and capability to take care of myself abroad. Give me a couple of years and i’ll be where i needed to be.

Right now, i need to focus on myself, one step at a time, i’m having too much on my plate now. Looking forward to going somewhere with Alex in a few weeks time, i won’t be spending the whole of 2 weeks together, but i’ll value the time that we will be together.

I proved to myself that im able to be a travelling model and not only i did it, i did it well. Now, that’s aside. This time i chose my path in hospitality and i will do my best and never give up. Only time will tell.


A new beginning

Alex and i broke up. One of the hardest decision i’ve ever made. For the first time, i can tell someone that its their lost, and i’ve given all that i can. I tried my best. I try to be optimistic. This will be a start of a new relationship between us, a new friendship.

Nobody knows what the futures lies. Life still goes on. And im still looking forward to meeting Alex when he gets here, and take this time to go travel and let my mind free after being obsessed with work for the last 2 weeks.

Everything will get better. Everything will work out. It might not be today or tomorrow but it eventually will.

I am ok.


Words to live by

Don’t expect anything if you don’t work for it.

We are just trying to figure each other out.

Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

It might take a day, it might take a year. But what’s meant to be will always find its way.

Beautiful faces are everywhere but beautiful minds are hard to find.

True love is not found, its build.

Appreciate those who don’t give up on you.

Loyalty, dignity, morals, good heart, and good character.

Sometimes you gotta remember that everyone wasn’t raised like you.

Difficult roads lead to beautiful destinations.In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.

Don’t talk, just act, don’t say, just show, don’t promise, just prove.

You can’t start the next chapter if you kept re-reading the last one.

Over-thinking ruins you, ruins the situation, twists things around, makes you worry, and makes everything much worst than it actually is.

The 3 C’s in life, Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a choice, to take a chance of your life would never change.

Love says: I’ve seen the ugly part of you and im still staying.True love is growing as a couple and never giving up on each other.

Distance doesn’t ruin a relationship, doubts do.

If you truly appreciate someone, don’t just say it, show it.Don’t measure the distance, measure the love.

Understand that no one is perfect.No one is perfect until  you fall in love with them.

Life goes on…

But at this moment, i just wanna run away and hide. I think im breaking down again.


Being appreciative of life

During my travels, there are many days that i don’t do much, i usually just hang around at my host place, relax, enjoy the quiet times, repack my stuff, do some stretching, have a walk around the neighbourhood if the weathers good, or watch some videos. Basically just having some personal time.

As usual, just thinking about life, in general, what’s my plan for the next month, year, 2 years, 5 or 10 years, etc. At the same time thinking about my backache, i have to add that it’s horrendous. Anywhere starting from my neck down all the way to my back. It just killing me. I haven’t been sleeping on a decent pillow, or lay on a decent bed. The knots on my back is hurting me so much i just wanna lay down and cry, then again, it’s so uncomfortable when i lie down too 😥

Anyway, im just gonna write a few things now that i feel that im grateful about.

I have all my 5 senses, eyes to see, ears to hear, mouth to taste, touch to feel and nose to smell, even though my sense of smell is a pretty bad since young. Lol.

I have a roof over my head back in Singapore, and while im travelling now, i have friends, and host from couchsurfing that are nice enough to let me crash.

I have an education, and graduated from college and university.

I have a family, and my friends, and a lovely boyfriends, whose birthday is in 5 mins time as im writing this 🙂

Im grateful that i have the opportunity to travel the world.

The fact that im alive is just a reason for me to be grateful for.

I appreciate life, more than i use to. God bless everyone.