It hurts, but i know i gave my best, so my heart is at ease. I still miss Alex, of course, the wound is still fresh. If i could turn back the time, and make sure i took care of myself first, probably i won’t breakdown, probably Alex won’t be uncomfortable. Probably this probably that, what ifs, maybe….. No one knows. But its ok, i still have hope, and i still have faith.
Im very blessed to have a bunch of my friends around, they were there for me, no matter what happened. A single text and they reach out to me. Jacqueline and Leroy came to visit me at work last night and i felt so appreciative. Jacqueline basically went thru what im going thru moment in the last year, and cut herself away from everyone, she looks so fresh and confident now and i know i’ll be ok very soon too.
I finally got a call from the mental hospital, in regards to having my psychologist appointment and it’s all the way in January, i told they lady, i probably would have killed myself waiting for help. Fuck the system in Singapore, fuck all. I don’t like living here but i know i have to sort myself out, before i have the strength and capability to take care of myself abroad. Give me a couple of years and i’ll be where i needed to be.
Right now, i need to focus on myself, one step at a time, i’m having too much on my plate now. Looking forward to going somewhere with Alex in a few weeks time, i won’t be spending the whole of 2 weeks together, but i’ll value the time that we will be together.
I proved to myself that im able to be a travelling model and not only i did it, i did it well. Now, that’s aside. This time i chose my path in hospitality and i will do my best and never give up. Only time will tell.