So sick 

First time in ages that I felt so sick. I completely lost my voice. Body’s aching. Constant nose blocked. Felt a slight fever coming up but manage to get rid after popping a couple tabs of Panadol. I feel a bit overwhelm these couple of days and a bit down for some reason but im glad i notice it quickly and manage to calm down  after I took my meds. I’m a lot better in handling my emotions and mental state now which is really good.

This year is finally coming to an end. So many things happen. The travels especially. It has been a tremendous exciting journey. The first half of the year was a lot of work. And the 2nd half was a lot of travels and Alex.

Once again. The trip that we both went to explore the whole of Thailand, from Krabi to Phuket to Chiang Mai to Bangkok kinda make me realize that I really really truly like Alex. Im in love with him. I want him to be happy and i want to be with him and experience life together.

It’s this whole modern dating complicated grey area here we are facing but I hope we can be together geographically in the next couple of years. I’m willing to wait and i do want to step up on my career now too. I hope this will be the time that both of us work hard for what we want and then we can plan our journey in the next couple of years.

Its tough. It sounds like a dream. Maybe its mine. Maybe its his too. I don’t know. All I know is I’ve never connects to anyone on such a deep level and he’s the one that i feel whole with.

Feeling so vulnerable. I feel like all the mental health demons are tryna come back at me. All I wanna do is to be a hermit crab. Hide at home. Not talk to anyone. Not work. Get my cough and flu over and done with first before I face the world. Meditate as much as possible. Read on my kindle. I wish i could just cuddle Alex and sleep. I miss him so much. Can’t wait to visit him soon. Just being really down at the moment. Rants over.

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