Sitting at the desk of my home. Im feeling the “shittest” again. Many has happened, amazing stuff. But out of which there are certain things that i feel upset about. I breakdown, i panic. I dont know why. I have many to be thankful for, i suppose. But it just doesnt feel that way.
I feel i dont deserve to be happy. I dont deserve to be love. They say before you can love others you must love yourself. I dont agree. I guess i’ve never been love and it sucks to feel like that so i always try to give all my love to people i admire so that one day the people that i admire, my friends, my family, the boy i really like can love me the way i love them.
Bad memories come flooding through, the people i respected and admire the most sometimes are the one that disappoint the most. I guess that’s what expectations are. Just popped up on my “memories” from Facebook today, i wrote something several years ago, “The key to happiness is lowered expectations.” So true.
I wanna go to a place where no one knows me, so i wont be disappointed when no ones there for me. Right now in a place, where i know many people, but i still feel alone. There are people that likes me, but i may not like them the way they like me. And that sucks cause it might make things so much easier. You cant force feelings, but do not lead on one.
If only everyone in the world is kind and honest and respect one another and never hurt anyone physically or emotionally. The world would be a better place. But we all know that world peace is never ever gonna happen.
Sunshine will come after the rain. Something always happens. Everything will turn out for the best. Let’s worry about it when it happens. It will be all right on the night.