It feels like a blanket of darkness falls upon you. You are unable to see the future, nor know what to do, how to react. You procrastinate, things don’t get done. You panic. You know you’re suppose to sort your shit out but for some weird reason there is this lack of energy you have that stops you from doing anything. You can’t get anything done, but yet you still feel restless.
You hope someone will be there for you, but yet you don’t really know how to approach cause you feel like a burden to them. Each time i have a massive breakdown, i go to the bathroom and cry, and hit myself. I get panic attacks. I don’t know what to do. I freaked out. I call someone, then i don’t even know what to say. I start to question myself, why the fuck am i bothering someone, again. I feel ashamed. I apologized, all the time.
Its a state of mind, try to snap out. So easy to say yet so hard to do. The promise someone gave to you doesn’t seem to be there when the time comes cause bear in mind they are humans too, and they have their own woes and troubles, and they have got no time to deal with yours.
Don’t ask me why im depressed, i don’t know. I seem sucessful and full of confidence, that’s what most people assume anyway, and i should not be feeling like this. Im not here to ask for pity, i just want people to know that it feels horrible. Terribly horrible. I feel useless, i get depressed, then i feel useless cause i cannot get over being depressed. Then i get depress because i feel useless. I do not want to feel like this. I really do not.