Day 1

Im terribly upset, devastated, and betrayed. Im hurt. Jarrah and i broke up last night. I hated the way we ended this. I looked up to him a lot, love and trust him with all my heart yet he did such a terrible mistake. I forgave him. Cause i know how it feels. I just think it was very selfish of him to do that to me. I want to humiliate everyone that’s involved but i can bear to do it. I don’t know why. I don’t know why i can still trust him. Its weird. I miss him, so much. For some reasons i could accept this reality really quickly.

I came across this blog post, cause i couldn’t understand why can’t we be together even though we loved each other. Then i rationalized and realized that we do help each other to grow, towards our career but we are different in many ways. True enough that couple can be very different but we are way too different. I could not understand what Jarrah meant by different at first, but now i do.

I blamed myself, for being naive and stupid,  if i had realized that we were not compatible, we could have got off on a better terms, but instead it turns out otherwise. He loves and cares for me a lot, and he doesn’t want to hurt me, but ended up hurting me even more. He admits his mistake and is guilty and he has learnt the lesson the hard way. I believe i should forgive him.

Im heartbroken. It’s weird cause i can actually feel physical pain on my chest. I know now that he is doing stuff that is hurting me but i guess i cannot do anything about it. Boys will be boys. I need help. Soon. I feel so hard to trust someone else. I need to find myself back again. This time, for long. I promise i’ll try to stay strong, but im definitely not ok at the moment, not anytime soon, in future for sure, but just not today.

Thanks for being the man that loved and cared for me, thanks for all the time we’ve spent together, thanks for the experience i had with you and thanks for the last night i had with you, i really appreciate it. Im sorry i wasn’t good enough. Till now, i still love you at this very moment.


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